Governor McAuliffe Creates Gun-Free Zones to Stop the Carnage in State Agency Buildings!
Richmond, December 4, 2015: Virginia Governor McAuliffe, in order to stop all the continued bloodshed in state-agency buildings, has made an EMERGENCY regulation to ban guns in those buildings effective immediately!
The reasons this is an emergency action are numerous:
* There has been a horrendous and eye-popping ZERO shootings in state-agency buildings! The Governor plans to fix that problem with this gun ban.
* Virginia’s 400,000 concealed handgun permit holders, with a pretty much ZERO PERCENT violent crime rate, are clearly a serious and ongoing threat to all of our state agencies!
* Likewise, off-duty police officers, another proven group of untrustworthy, unbalanced, and potentially murderous time-bombs, could start shooting up state agencies because of long lines. Only on-duty police should be allowed to carry a gun!
* Importantly, terrorists and active shooters have shown NO interest in violating gun-control laws by attacking in gun-free zones. Gun-free government buildings are especially safe from attack!
* Anyway, it’s far safer for citizens to be executed one-at-a-time than for those same citizens to have a gun to fight back with! Why, somebody might get hurt! Only the Governor’s 24/7 security team needs guns, as it goes without saying that some lives are much more important than others.
* As a bonus, the Commonwealth has a glut of chalk used to draw lines around dead bodies. This will reduce those inventories, saving space in the State Police headquarters building!
To the blood-thirsty naysayers of his gun ban, the Governor says:
* I am NOT paying back Michael Bloomberg’s million dollar campaign donation by pushing his major issue - more gun control! That’s merely a coincidence.
* I am not pushing Hilary Clinton’s favorite issue - gun control - because I want to be Hillary Clinton’s Vice-Presidential running mate! That’s merely a coincidence.
* I do have a thorough understanding of state gun laws! I know, for example, that it is illegal for Virginians to own machine guns.
All hail the Governor for doing SOMETHING to make Virginia safe from those evil and dangerous concealed handgun permit holders and off-duty police officers, and making state-agency buildings SAFE for active shooters and terrorists!
H/T to VCDL.
More on the executive order signed by Bloomberg's puppet in Virginia.